Its the morning. I've made the most progress on this site that I've done in quite a while. I've been swamped with getting roommates, moving my stuff, finding another job so I've been neglecting getting this 1.0 ready. I've already given a good explanation of the use for this website in my about but I'd like to expand a bit here. I've never been one for the ego, I wrestle with the idea of putting myself out there and so have a small social media presence. Can't find myself to jam into the cracks of communities either. This site might reflect a push on that aspect to put myself out there, I mean the idea came from creating a portfolio but expanded to a full-blown website. I didn't know anything about coding before this, so it was a struggle to grasp a bit of this but it's okay, I'll continue expanding on it. Once I feel fully "satisfied" with the current status of the website, I want to focus on producing articles in my spare time. I'm enjoying the process so far, it's fun. How do I end this?
I finished up 3 posts today off 6 hours of sleep. Im going to the gym this saturday with an old highschool bud. I got 2 interviews for 2 different rope access companies this coming tuesday. Not a fan of the caffinated drinks my gf brings me from work, messes with my chest all day. Overall pretty mint. -Dod Mark
I finished up my post about my new rope access job. I am severely tired and sore. Theres another post up on SP that has been in my backlog check it out. Im wondering how blue collared workers keep up with this type of work, maybe im a loser but im not interested in working more than 4 days a week nor would I state otherwise to the world for recognition beyond necessity. Typically I ride my bike through a trail following a river to get to the train station. My back aching from the 4 days of squirming on a bosun, on the ride back I thought of my own father. He has been a carpenter for his and his brothers business longer than I have been alive. He's been complaining about back for quite a while. He's 56 years old now, I don't get how he does it.
Finished up a post about carabiners on last tour. I've been listening to a lot of Andy Kirkpatricks podcast "psychovertical" at work. Funny guy, insightful if your interested. I just finished Extreme Alpinism by Mark Twight as well. Ill probably make a post on Serac going over something interesting that Twight wrote about. Maybe clothing systems. You really don't see alpinists like Twight around anymore, like the exact opposite of Marc-André Leclerc. Kirkpatrick had something to say similar to the subject. Alpinism doesn't get coverage, its all memorials and seclusion. It's offputting but a reality you have to understand, a kind of post nut clarity of death. It's good to reflect on past behavior and come to terms with writing it off as delusional, I guess the key thing is to understand that in the moment. Good thing I didn't have enough money when I was most delusional. Nobody can put it past Leclerc, an absolutely insane climber with phenominal skill. I just couldn't feel much at the end of the film, if you knew him you would have already known he was a dead man walking. Funnily enough im off the winter season for rope access. Im saving my money in hopes for a trip. Heading over to the UP again for the Ice Fest but I also want something else. Maybe the Amtrak to Glaciar?
Had a few things on the backburner. New drytooling article written a while back. Audio Visual page is a new idea im trying out. Ill go into further detail explaining the concept when the page is "finished" but you can already guess. Some little updates here and there. Today it snowed during work in Chicago. Heavy thick crystals of spindrift dusted me until I resembled a snowed over corpse. It was exhilirating, a short burst of intense euphoria tightened the flesh behind my eyeballs. The kind of feeling that makes you grit your teeth. Can't wait until everything starts to freeze over
There's something unsatisfying about all the jobs I've done. Growing up, most of the means of work shifted from wants and parental sores to trying to work enough to spend negligibly or roughing it out on $50 a month. I'm lucky to have low rent and a significant other to help, and I'm lucky to have friends with open couches. I guess I just never liked the uneasy transition of these responsibilities.
Growing up I began to understand the sentiment of time being stolen from you, and when I started to work at 15 years of age to the time I was 21 I could sense that I was there. In a perpetual freefall of the adult lifecycle, to work and act.
Work so far has proven monotonous, and I have yet to find something that I can truly say that I come home, and think to myself I am satisfied and happy with my work, not because of a large paycheck, not because of my social wants satisfied, but rather that the work that I have cobbled together with my bare hands gave someone the means of happiness.
When I was young and fresh it was easy to be enthralled by the vast interests that I could delve into, completely mesmerized by passion and creation. I deemed it and still today the most important thing regarding human and hobby. But when I was younger my time was infinite, Now? I'm tired. I've been considering cutting my overall pay by giving myself more time to myself and my hobbies but as I will grow older it just won't suffice. I just need to find something satisfying.
I talked to somebody about this. They had asked me “have you ever liked working?”. After a little bit of dwelling on the question I responded with a few moments in time, it never seemed to be about the work outright but rather moments in time and space where I had moments of solitude, clarity, fondness, eagerness, reflection. Here are a few.
In my ticket booth that peered into a park across the street, a crowd would swell around me to buy tickets to whatever movies would play at the quaint one room theatre I worked in. It was winter. Cold air would be siphoned through the slit in the glass meanwhile hot air from a vent touched and danced around the tiny box I was stationed in. Snow would dance right outside my window, and I would read the book of three taps on the tongue. It was quiet, warm, and solitary.
After the first week of work cooking all day I began to form a ritual. To park everyday under a quaint growing tree, and to peel and eat an orange everyday under it. I had found solace in it, and found it to be the best time to cement how I felt about my day. I would write my feelings and music I was listening to in a small journal I kept in a bag by my hip. Doing this until I was no longer alone, accompanied by former coworkers, then friends.
My days at REI were incredibly monotonous, unhappy, and unfulfilled. I spent my time listening to podcasts and music. But the tedium helped me engage with the material. The Smile album had never sounded better. Jun Togawa and Vampillias 35th Anniversary album left a powerful imprint on me about the passing of time, growing old, and passionate and powerful Jun.
In my first 2 weeks I met a Ukrainian man by the name of Andriy. He would complain about the pay and once during an unexpected carpool he expressed his interest in leaving. We would exchange fruits and he would always check up on me that I had not fallen onto the pavement. After the carpool we parked at an apartment building garage where the waves from lake michigan would crash and tumble right against the concrete of the garage. The sun was warm and hazy and the waves drowned most of the city noise. Me and Andriy shared the view and he expressed that this was the only good part of the job. I still agree.
Now that Andriy had gone it was a bit more quiet for me. I've been listening to podcasts, reading on the train, and an hour-long bike ride on a nice trail home. It's been interesting to see the plants that grow on these skyscrapers. Beds of hardy plants scattered all over the roofs of Chicago mostly in use for its insulating factors. Cycles of life still persist on these roofs, as I infrequently see mushrooms grow and tower among the flora. Another thing would be that frequently most people inside these buildings would prefer to ignore me completely, however their cats have always been curious and interested. Often they would come to their views and follow my tools playfully. I like to take the risk of dropping my phone to take pictures of them.
It's been long since ive personally updated the website. Not really because I didnt write but mostly because I was too lazy to upload the files to neocities/dither my images. My trips so far were very inspiring and fun. The Winona CMC meeting was cool. I slept in the car and my sleep system worked well, I woke up with dinner plates of ice on top of my quilt but yeah worked well. Im not too good at these social events but I think my usual practice serves me well. I go and chat a bit then leave and do my own thing. I carpooled with a guy new to the cmc meeting named adam and on the drive talked to him about his endevours. Something was offputting though, I talked about my upcoming trip to him thinking he's done something similar and he retorted that he hasnt done anything like that before. I already figured my trip was gonna be difficult but now this guy whos travelled all around the world hiking and camping this difficult trips is telling me mine is crazy? After the 1st day of climbing the CMC met at a local bar to eat and I listened to a table full of young climbers talk their shit. The topic of winter 14ers came up not from my action but the general conversation leaned torwards "thats hardcore idk about doing that". I found myself only really worried about my trip when I was in comfort. In my car. In a house. Warm. But when I was out there, hiking with a heavy pack, on the steep snow, I felt assured I can do it. Ill be leaving in a few days. I got some errands to do, work a bit, really hone in on packing, sew a bag, and this too. Ill update after february. for sure